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i hate ryan.

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ok so, now you definitely know who's been on my mind for like...ever.

basically its making me sick.

heres the story:
so basically, there was this boy that i meant 4 days before going to germany.
i thought, wow cute.
tthhhhen I told him via facebook i was leaving for germany, and i thought oh so here ends a friendship
wrong.
we'd talked for a really, really long time and i thought....hm, maybe.. but i didnt want to let on, i wanted to be FRIENDS until maybe i came home. basically....
continued talking until one night in france when everything changed
we now have a deal, and he promises me to hold to it, and for the most part i believe him
if i give him his rammstein cd (the so iimportant cd) first
still quietly debating this.
things were said back and forth, that i see now as leading me on
it makes me sad, but really im old even to deal with rejection. i can take it, i just in the long run need time
all i have to say is

you only wish you had friends like me.:)

''I don't wanna hurt anyone, especially Tam.''

youll never know how much that means to me. i love court and her rad bf dustin

i will get over it, i just neeeeeeeed time.:(


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